St. Nicholas, help me tell you how you helped me and my children get an apartment. I have to tell you how you saved me and my children.
It was 1988. I didn’t know it would be a turning point in my life. I had a family: a husband, a 13-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter.
The husband drank, as they say, in black, the daughter after undergoing abdominal surgery was pale, weakened. Only one son pleased with success in school and obedient character. We lived in the same room, in a communal apartment. It would be superfluous to describe terrible pictures when a man deranged from alcohol threatened us with a sharply sharpened axe and frightened children.
I remember a certain limit came, I had the feeling that I was dying, my ship was sinking, screaming and calling for help. We stood in line in the Executive Committee for 10 years, in those “Soviet” times, 10 years were the period when people were necessarily given new housing. But we weren’t given it. I had to go to these uncomfortable offices to hear at least some explanation of why this was happening. And one day, this was my last trip to the local authorities, I was emotionally telling an official in a strict suit about my troubles. I was so upset that I couldn’t stand it and I cried. I didn’t hear any reaction, so I looked up to see the face of the man listening to me.
And then I saw that he did not listen to me at all, but puts things in order on his desk, sorting letters, shifting sheets of paper, etc. The completely indifferent, calm face of this administrator instantly sobered me up. «Why am I here? Who needs my tears?! After saying good-bye, I walked out of the office, waiting in line for people who had not lost hope as I had.
I remember clearly that when I walked to the subway, in these short moments, I heard these phrases: “That’s what I need.” And what happens, I have to survive. I’m worthy and not like that. Even if my husband kills me, then I should. Let’s face it. This is my life. Years later, I was surprised by this internal monologue. It was not despair that took hold of me, but submission, and I came to understand that I must accept my life as it is, without comparing it with the lives of others. But now it is time to say that at that time I was not enchurched and was in the full sense of an “infidel.” Oh, what a terrible word that is! And in what a terrible impasse man drives it is unbelief. But in 1988, I was very far from understanding such things.
And then everything rolled like a snowball from a high mountain. During another attack of drunken rage husband and daughter had a tantrum. It was the first time I saw my daughter crying and laughing at the same time. It was so abnormal, so mind-boggling, that I made the decision to break up with my husband while the child was still mentally ill. I should have saved the kids. But how?
And this is the beginning of the miracle. Once, having received my salary, I, having already approached my metro station, instead of taking the train and going home to the waiting children, suddenly, not understanding why, climbed the steps of the underground passage back, went outside and went, not knowing where. I wonder if I was «in myself.» But as I walked through familiar streets, I sort of commented on my route. I guess I’m going to the conservatory. I studied there. And my legs carried me by, and now the conservatory was behind me, and I kept going and going… and I didn’t know where I was being taken. But then on my way there was a building of the Temple of the Resurrection of the Word.
It was a late May evening, the pre-set sun was affectionately shining, there was some indescribable joyful feeling in the soul. A man sat on the porch, handed him a coin, entered the Temple. Service was coming. The singers sang «Miracleworker…» I didn’t understand or hear other words.
I lingered at the entrance, suddenly realizing that I was not in the proper shape for the temple. I had my eyelashes made up and no scarf on my head. And what was especially surprising to me was that I left my things with my children’s shopping, with my documents, with my wallet, which contained my salary, in the harbour, by the hot battery, without fear that my package would melt and without fear that someone would steal my load.
Another moment, once again sung the words “Miracleworker…” – and to me, very close, came the father with a sprinkler, and after him a young man with a candiah full of water. And I, right in my eyes, in a shameless, generous stream, sprinkled holy water. That’s where I woke up. But I stayed for half a minute, looking at the big icon of St. George. Nicholas in the iconostasis of the left limit. On the perimeter of the frame, the holy image of St. Nicholas was skillfully decorated with green grass and small flowers. I saw such decoration for the first time, it struck me, which caused my short delay in the temple.
Having taken my bags from the battery, I went back to the subway station, worried that I would arrive 40 minutes later than usual. The next day, I told my close friend about this strange incident, with all the details. And I still remember what the decorated image of SVT looked like. Nicholas.
A few years later, according to the church calendar, I determined that I came to the church on the eve of May 22, when the day of Nicholas of May is celebrated. That was the beginning of the Miracle. His foreplay.
Less than a month later, in June, my daughter and I went to Sofrino, to the House of Creativity of Journalists, I really wanted my baby to spend at least 14 days in a quiet environment, in nature, soothe her nerves. I read her books, we walked, sunbathe in the sun, went to the forest, where there were many bird songs. In short, everything was fine. It’s been a few days. And suddenly, as I walked into the dining room, I heard that the administrator was looking for me. Before I could find her office, I was told there was a note from her on the dining table. So weird. Why would the administrator want me? Suddenly, I was struck by a sudden alarm: they must be called to work! Early. Something’s happened and I’m urgently needed there. What about my daughter? She needs to be quiet, take a break from the nightmare scenes.
I came to the table, unwrapped a note, and there is one phrase – urgently call to work. What’s lunch? Left her daughter to her friend, and she ran to the pay phone in the lobby of the dining room. With excitement, I dialed the working phone, immediately heard the voice of a colleague, for some reason he was cheerful, another colleague of mine snatched the phone from her, because they both wanted to please me and both were in a hurry.
It turns out from the trade union committee that I was allocated a separate apartment in Ostankino, in a 22-storey house with a new layout, but it will take 2-3 weeks to work on the construction site, help in cleaning up garbage. At the moment when my colleague told me this, I saw the image of St. Paul. Nicholas is the one. In green grass with flowers. And I heard the choir singing again, and this word that struck my ear in May was, «Miracleworker…» I returned to the dining table anxious, unsmiling, serious.
My friend, when she heard the news, was amazed at my dead look. «Are you not happy?» she exclaimed. And I had quiet stress. After all that, I felt like I wasn’t alive. There was no joy in the soul. I remembered the icon of the Wonderworker and thought, how can I work on the construction site? After all, the vacation will soon end…
A few months have passed… When I received a warrant for an apartment, examined it for the first time and went to the balcony, I immediately saw a huge green massif of the Botanical Garden, and the Ostankino Park adjacent to it. But my special attention was drawn to the green domes of the beautiful Temple of the Life-Giving Trinity, each dome crowned with a golden cross. And inside me, it was either my own voice or His voice, «That’s why you’re here.» Or, «That’s what you’re here for.» But the point, I think, is clear. This temple was then the compound of Optina of the desert. And I owe him a lot. It was the most important miracle in my life, it can be called in two words – the transformation of the soul.
St. Nicholas, thank you, my sweet Saint, for salvation in this life. And my children were saved too. We have all become believers. Each in his own way. For my daughter, the temple became a support, I hope that for my son too. Her husband soon formed another family, and he began to sing in the choir. And what will be there, I don’t know… Not worthy.
I prayed to St. Nicholas (smallly, modestly, without tears, quietly and calmly) for the happy marriage of my son. I really wanted him to find a wife from a believing Orthodox family. And St. Nikolai, I dare to think and believe, helped us in this. The children signed the registry office, on the same day and got married. Later, their children were baptized without delay. And for me it was a sign that their family ship has a reliable navigator — Nikolai the Wonderworker. A gracious, faithful, sympathetic Heavenly Friend.
Lyudmila Kirillova.
The Holy Land Charitable Foundation
Soul investment!
Orthodox stories from life
